From Depression to ‘Inspiration’
I was ‘happy’…engaged to the ‘girl of my dreams’, dog, nice house, lived by the ocean in a wealthy suburb, new motorbike, sports car, healthy, great job earning good money…
Little did I realise my life was about to spiral through depression and suicide…
I worked as an ‘Active Life Coach’, a ‘dream’ career for me in the health industry.
Helping people each day choose a healthier lifestyle. Exercising daily to maintain my high level of physical and mental self respect. I didn’t see myself doing anything else other than working in the mining industry supporting the local residents.
A team leader, the stand in supervisor…I wasn’t doing it for accolades…I was just being me, giving my best each day. I was valued by many of the residents, won numerous awards and received countless emails of applause for my contribution to the site. I was living a dream…
However, this wasn’t the life my soul traveled to live…
Sadly, when you stand out, you’re in the light…and others are left in your shadow.
These people chose to make my life a living nightmare. It started out with little things like comments here and there, although with my upbringing in the English building industry, I had tough skin. Growing up in England where the sign of affection from one of my mates was to take ‘the mickey’ out of me…meant I didn’t really take notice of any jibes.
However, one day two members of staff brought up some comments that had been made towards me by management, saying the comments were ‘out of order’ and I shouldn’t accept that kind of behavior directed at me. This was the start of a very eye opening and soul destroying journey for me…
Awareness can be the most rewarding step…and at the same time the most destructive…
For me, it was the later.
I started to notice more derogatory comments being directed at me and unachievable tasks being given to me. Staff members confused as to why I was being treated this way and when they stood up…they too became a ‘target’.
The mining (FIFO), the industry is known for its negative atmosphere/environment. It can easily destroy the strongest of people and the attitude of others with authority who are driven by EGO, often results in human destruction.
The days became longer as I would internally fight off the remarks, the unachievable tasks given to me. I could feel myself becoming weaker each day. At the end of each day, I would call my fiancé and get the frustration, the anger, the hate out of me down the phone. There would be many nights of tears…just sheer frustration of how other beings could treat me this way.
On the outside, certain team members viewed me as having a ‘victim mentality’…it hurt me deeply at the time as I always focused on being the best version of me I could be at all times.
As an Active Life Coach, my job was to motivate the residents…to always be happy…
As I was put under more stress each day, always being happy was mentally and physically draining me. On my RnR (1 week off), I would be absolutely worn out. That week would be spent recharging what was being ripped out of me on site…by me hiding my pain from the staff and residents.
Thankfully a friend of mine had introduced me to a health company to which I helped him give digestive and immune health talks when I was back in Perth. This gave me a sense of purpose for being back in Perth and I loved the personal development I was being introduced to. The constant audios from the likes of Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Oprah Winfrey, just to name a few.
However, back on site, the frustration continued, the bullying was REAL…I’d say to myself each day…’I don’t fail’…’I don’t let others down’…’I am a winner’.
Sadly, that level of expectation of self along with the unachievable tasks, forced my body into meltdown. One day feeling under so much pressure, I started to physically shake…so I quickly hid away from anyone’s view. Uncontrollably shaking and crying…I was LOST…I had FAILED…they had BROKEN me!!
My first EVER mental breakdown..the scariest thing I’d ever experienced…
I struggled to see out the next few days and then management lied to me about my role as team leader…removing it from me because of my ‘poor performance’. After asking for feedback on where I could improve, I was told it was already decided of how they wanted other team members to experience the team leader role. I was fine with sharing it with others…team leader meant ‘nothing’ to me. What did mean something though, was being lied to.
The way I was spoken to on the phone…the aggression and lack of care, triggered me inside and I felt anxiety kick in…my body started to shake and I knew I had to get out of the office quickly so nobody would see my destruction.
I went on my ‘lunch break’ to get away and hid from any form of contact with the residents or staff. I was so confused, angry, upset, frustrated with everything…how had my time on site gone from being such an enjoyable experience to now a living nightmare each day?
I decided to get out all my frustration by writing a report which turned out to be 9 pages long explaining everything.
Some of my work colleagues came and found me, they had been supporting me through it all and told me some further news that had been said about me. Their concern for me was clear and I told them I had had enough.
When I returned from my ‘lunch break’, I rang the assistant manager telling him I needed to see the doctor due to stress, to which he asked if there was something happening at home to cause my stress…I was furious with his tongue in cheek question…
If he had been in front of me when he had asked that question, I’d have punched him to the ground…that was how much anger I had inside.
He knew he had to take me to see the doctor, so he met me outside his office and walked in with me…not acknowledging me or sitting with me whilst I waited to be called in. The support for a fellow staff member was ZERO…not what the company promoted on the outside to the public. Apparently there should be a member of staff supporting the person at all times…specially within a mental health situation…not in this case.
The medic called me in to see her, I closed the door and sat down. ‘So Martin, what can I do to help you’… I burst into tears, uncontrollably shaking…unable to speak…
Mental breakdown number two!!…
She was in complete shock and instantly told me to hold fire on what I wanted to say whilst she got the doctor. She comforted me until the doctor had finished with his other patient. I went in to see him and burst into tears once again…he allowed me to gain my posture and then asked me to tell him everything that had been going on.
I shared with him everything and his words to me were…’nobody should have to go through that kind of treatment at work, I will write a report about this and I am requesting a flight for you to leave site immediately’.
I handed the assistant manager my ‘sick note’ and told him I was to pack my bags for the first available flight from site. He chose to ignore the state I was in and didn’t send anyone to help me pack my stuff from the camp or at least to support me.
However, thankfully one of the site safety officers helped me load my items onto the bus for the journey back to my accommodation. I packed my bags and was on the first flight in the morning to discuss my options with the head office manager.
Two days later I was called into the office to discuss what had happened on site and how my career with the company could continue. After sharing my experience on site and the mental struggles from the bullying with a lady from HR and giving her my 9 page report of what happened on site (which I had prior asked 3 of my colleagues to review before I submitted it…to ensure what I had writted was true)…then I was in a meeting with the head office manager.
He told me they had found a site for me where I would be the lead ‘Active Life Coach’ and that it would suit my personality perfectly. I have to say, I was actually excited about the opportunity to show who I truly was and what I was capable of.
In the next breath, he said…’there isn’t any point in filing your report as I don’t believe you need the additional ongoing stress and I don’t need the paperwork. I’ll ensure you everything will be dealt with on site and you can move on with your life’.
For me, thinking that he had my best interests at heart…I believed that was a fair call and I was happy with his idea. He then advised for me to sign the new contract for the site I would be going to…once the paperwork was completed and sent to me. I felt like it was a good result for myself and the company, so I agreed and went home.
That evening my father-in-law to be asked why I was back from site so early. I explained what had happened and the conversation I had had with management.
He was furious as to how they were going to remove me from a permanent full-time construction contract onto a causal contract…as well as wiping the mental health case underneath the carpet. He strongly advised me not to sign anything until he had seen the contract.
The very next day I was bombarded with emails and the contract to sign…a lot of pressure being thrown at me all of a sudden. When I refused to sign it because of my father-in-law’s advice…all communication from the company stopped.
I was lost…frustrated and angry that I was being treated as just a number on their employee list. I gave everything to that company and role…it meant far more to me than just a job.
I contacted my work colleagues who had supported me and they told me the company had told them they were not allowed to have any communication with me. That they had been asked about the report I had submitted and been told to say it wasn’t the truth, yet everything I had mentioned in the report was being improved on.
My relationship with my fiancé started to deteriorate…I was so lost in myself I didn’t know how to communicate to her anymore. I felt like a failure…why would she want to be with a failure?
I was advised to visit my GP and upon a review, he was very concerned for my health. I had gone from being this happy go lucky kind of guy with no personality and no real desire to be here. Instantly put on medication to help ‘balance me out’…I started my mental health plan.
My health was declining rapidly and with the stress mounting daily, I started to get the shakes in my hands. My father-in-law to be requested a meeting with management to find out what they planned to do about the situation.
Upon arriving at the company and waiting in the reception area, my father-in-law to be read their ‘10 company policy statements’. He almost fell over whilst reading them as in his opinion, 7 out of the 10 hadn’t been abided by at all.
In the meeting my father-in-law to be asked them if they employed me in the current state I was in…to which they said ‘no’…so he then said of how he had seen my decline over the past few months because of the mistreatment at site.
I was unable to focus, my mind was empty…like I was in another world. My hands shaking as if I had Parkinson’s disease, my head down and eyes staring at the floor. My father-in-law spoke on my behalf…as they looked for a positive outcome.
However, that outcome wasn’t going to happen as the head office manager who had told me to ‘there isn’t any point in filling out a report as I don’t believe you need the additional stress and I don’t need the paperwork. I’ll ensure you everything will be dealt with on site and you can move on with your life’…all of a sudden denied saying that.
He called me a liar…the fury built up inside of me…as I looked at him he grinned right back at me. My EGO wanted to wipe that smile right off his face although I had no energy to even get over to him. They also couldn’t locate the doctors report or the ‘sick note’…they had both miriaculously disappeared.
The meeting ended with my father-in-law to be advising we end the meeting and get lawyers involved to act on my behalf. His words to me…’let the lawyers deal with this and you focus on getting yourself healthy’…so this was the path we took.
Within the next 6 weeks, I had become so detached to myself and my fiancé, I didn’t know where I was. I was completely lost and felt I was of no value to her, my family, my friends or society. The thoughts of suicide were clear in my mind…but how…how do I take my life?
One day I realised I would be better off not being here anymore. So I waited for my fiancé to leave for work…I spent a few hours going over what I was going to do and then decided to get up and do it…It was time to end my life via driving a knife into my chest.
Crying, I coaxed our little staffy ‘Bessie’ into my office so that she wouldn’t lick the knife and cut her tongue. I walked into the kitchen and took a hold of the big knife. Tears were streaming from me, I was so scared, shaking all over and as I held the knife on the left side of my chest ready to drive it into my heart…I paused…
Before me was my mother…a clear image of her uncontrollably crying because she wasn’t able to help me in this moment…
She was over 14,000 kilometers away from me…yet I saw her as clear as day. The pain I felt from breaking her heart was unbearable. As I dropped the knife onto the kitchen bench, I collapsed, falling back against the kitchen cupboards. Screaming as I cried unable to pull myself together.
I crawled into the office and let Bessie out…she greeted me as if I had been away for months, crying and jumping on me. It was as if she knew what I was going to take my life and she would never see me again…yet there I was for her…as she for me.
I didn’t tell anyone about that moment…it was mine to figure out. WHY did I want to end my life so badly?…WHY was I allowing other people to destroy my spirit?
A few weeks passed and I was totally disconnected from my fiancé and life inside the house. When anyone came over or we went out…I put on a brave face to hide the pain. Very few people knew what was going on and no one truly understood what I was feeling inside.
One day my fiancé sat me down and questioned our relationship…this is when I told her I wanted to end my life and what I had almost done. She was shocked, not knowing what to say or do.
I felt weak, a useless partner, WHY would she want to marry such a waster? I felt so useless that I steered away from intimacy as I felt I wasn’t worthy of her.
The relationship got worse and worse…my fuse was short and I was easily triggered. I was hurting her, I knew I was although I couldn’t stop myself…I was being torn apart myself and I just didn’t know how to stop it…FEAR was tearing me and us apart.
I was happy when she went out with friends and I encouraged her to do it more. I wanted her to be happy and I believed her being away from me would make her happy…yet I wanted her to be happy with me, so badly.
I can remember speaking to my mum and stepdad on Skype one night…they were speaking to the top of my head as I was so low I couldn’t even pick my head up to look at them. It took about one and a half hours before I had the inner strength to look them in their eyes. They sat there constantly sending me love and I felt it.
My fiancé had gone away on holiday with the girls and it was great to see her having fun thanks to pictures on Facebook. I was happy to just be on my own with Bessie doing my own thing although I had noticed a few images with a particular guy which had caught my attention as well as a few other friend’s attention…enough for them to reach out to me and ask what was going on.
One day I was updating my fiancé’s laptop for her and came across some live messages…back and forth right in front of my eyes. She had met somebody else and I was now involved in seeing what was going on…without going into all the details, yes…she had chosen to be with someone else.
I was shattered…my heart completely was torn out and trodden on. WHY?…HOW could she do this to me when I’ve been battling suicide? This is the girl I am marrying…surely ‘death do us part’ would mean something at this stage!!.
After a conversation with her parents which I knew upset them, I was left with 2 weeks to pack my things and get out the house. With no family here, disconnected from friends, no income…where was I supposed to go?
I told my GP it was over…life was finished, there was no life for me here…
He immediately got me a referral to see a private psychiatrist and off I went. During the appointment, the psychiatrist and I had a good chat about things. He too is a Liverpool Football Club fan so we connected about LFC.
However, as we got deeper into conversation I was cracking…his final question which literally broke me down and burst me into tears…
’Do you see any future for you in this world?’…
I cried so hard…tears literally pouring out of my eyes…the hurt I felt inside and the hate towards myself so evident.
‘Martin’…he said…’I can’t let you leave my room in this state…I am going to see if I can admit you immediately into our hospital’.
I refused…I saw that as a weakness. How could a ‘man’s man’ be so weak as to enter a mental hospital. There was no way in hell I was going in there…(EGO was going to make sure of it!!).
He spoke to me for what seemed like a good 45 minutes, reassuring me the hospital was there to help me get back on my feet and not a weakness. One of the best lines I have ever heard, spoken from him as he said to me…
‘Martin, when you break your leg, people see the cast…with a broken mind…nobody can see it’…
I cried again…I felt so much deep internal pain as to the fact nobody could see, hear, realise, understand the pain I was experiencing. To many it was a lie, to others they could only sympathise with me…for me, I was dying inside.
Thanks to the psychiatrist I was able to get my emotions together and leave his room to go home although I was made a priority for the next available bed. My fiancé had moved out into her parents home and thankfully I had our little girl to support me…Bessie (woof woof).
The next day I was walking Bessie around the local lake and had my iPod on. Whilst walking around the lake in a world of my own, on my iPod played an audio I had downloaded called Victim or Victor Mindset by Dr. Charles Stanley. I remember turning it off a few months back although this time I just let it play…What I was to hear started the change in my life…
I recall it being a story of a priminister. Prior to becoming a priminister he went through a very tough and torrid time due people treating him poorly…extremely poorly. He couldn’t understand why any of the people would treat him this way.
However, when he stepped into the role of priminister, he faced challenges which he was able to deal with because of the lessons he learned.
I realised this message, which hit me HARD…
God can’t be here in physical form so ‘he’ chooses souls to share the message we need to hear in order for us to get on our right path…
WOW…I felt enlightened…an awakening took place at that moment. These people were not being mean to me…they were helping to set me free!!
I immediately started to smile, smile more than I ever had done…it felt like my smile was literally from ear to ear. I experienced an insane amount of heat from my toes all the way to my crown. ‘WOW…I AM ALIVE’!!
I got home and immediately started downloading more or Dr. Charles’ messages…whilst I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. At my appointment a few days later, I told him the message I had got and although he was happy for me…he still wanted me to ‘take time out to heal’.
I had to be out of our home by the weekend and even though I had been ‘enlightened’…I was brought back down very fast…very fast indeed.
I can remember the day I woke up with the intention of packing my bags. Everything I had acquired over my 6 years in Australia to be packed away. I had nowhere to go…just to get my things together and figure it out…I was emotional…tears were already streaming.
Whilst packing away I was listening to more of Dr. Charles’ audios. I was walking out to the garage with my boxes and then back into the house. As I walked into the house I kept staring at the pergola I had built out the back of the house. Suicidal thoughts started to creep back in, the devil was with me and was ready to take me on his journey.
I looked for some rope to tie my noose…there was nothing at home…so I thought about heading to the local hardware store. I fought off the thought although each time I came back into the house, there was the pergola and now I could see myself hanging from it.
I was resisting the thoughts, the constant jibes in my mind from the devil. As I continued to keep myself busy, through my iPod came a message which to this day I can say helped to save my life.
Dr. Charles spoke of suicide…of all the moments for him to speak of suicide…NOW was the moment I needed SAVING.
I believe he spoke of a marine battling suicide…first of all with a gun to his head and at that moment seeing his family which prevented him from taking his life. Although the second time was more relevant to me at the moment…
This marine actually tied his own noose…
Dr. Charles spoke of him putting his head through the loop…
I BROKE DOWN, falling to my knees, crying hysterically…this was about to become my reality…
However, the marine once again paused…how could he leave when he hadn’t done what he came here to do. how could he hurt all those people who loved him?…and most of all, how could he leave himself?
WOW…this was the message I needed to hear…I instantly connected with this…
I realised at that moment GOD was with me and teaching me that I am here to make change in the world on a much larger scale than I could ever have imagined…you guessed it…
I continued to cry…although these were tears of JOY…tears for my awakening…my enlightenment…my self-belief.
Thankfully a friend of mine contacted me and offered me his place to stay until I could get a bed in the mental hospital.
Within a week I was called by the mental hospital 3 times offering me a bed…yet I kept refusing. I was scared and didn’t want to go…to accept I still needed that ‘low level’ of help. However, I was called by a close friend of mine who literally begged me to go to the hospital the next time they called…
The hospital called the next day and I was admitted.
Now, remember…I was enlightened, I had just found out I am here for a bigger purpose…so I ‘waltzed’ into the hospital like I was there to help others…the empath in me ready to do his work.
WELL…that lasted about 2 hours….once I was ‘settled’ into my room and given a tour of the building…Around me were people who were clearly having a tough time…lost, scared, anxious, depressed…possibly even suicidal.
I was then introduced to my nurse who happened to say to me…
‘Martin, I have noticed you are walking around very positive and you have a smile on your face. It’s lovely to see, although are you okay?’
‘My response was, ‘I am fine thanks…I have had two clear messages as to me remaining here in this lifetime and I know I have been sent here to help others…so I’ll be here to support any other patients who need it, although I am a little bit worried that I might go backwards because of people here being so down’… WELL…was I brought back down to earth fast…
This little 5 foot nothing nurse got a hold of my t-shirt around the chest area, looking up at me with angry eyes and said in her stern Irish accent…’you are here for nobody but yourself, you make sure you take care of YOURSELF’…
I was instantly put in my place and I obeyed that order for the rest of my time in the hospital…I was TERRIFIED…haha
Later that day the psychiatrist called in to see how I was ‘settling in’. We had a chat and he told me the stay as an inpatient was a two week structured mind rehabilitation program. For me to get the most out of my stay in the hospital, I would need to be at all the sessions they had planned for me.
He knew I was driven and I later found out he told me that because he knew I would make a commitment to myself to be at all of the sessions…no matter how hard they got.
I was there for 14 days and EVERY night I waited until everybody had gone to bed (about 11pm) before I made a visit to the vending machine and spent $10-$15 per night on lollies, chips, and chocolate. I’d eat it all that night and hide the rubbish at the bottom of my bin in a bag. I was being fueled by sugar and dairy…of which I would come to later realise are the two key components to fueling poor mental health.
Out of respect for the other patients, I will not talk much about my stay in the hospital although I will say this…
It is a SAFE place and being around other people who were going along their journey of internal pain, allowed us all to have something in common…security…something we didn’t experience ‘on the outside’. The staff were all amazing and I want to take this moment to say THANK YOU to them all.
I also made some great friends in there…friends who I value so much…friends for life.
Upon leaving the hospital, Dave (who was a friend of mine), offered me a place to live with him and his wife, Danielle. This was a blessing as I had nowhere to go…there was no expectation for me to pay them…it was simply from a place of helping me get back on my feet…a place of LOVE.
To this day, they have become my best friends…they are family to me and I LOVE them dearly.
I was then back to the hospital as an outpatient on another mind program, ‘ Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’, to help me move further forward…This is a TREMENDOUS course and I highly recommend you to participate in it.
It wasn’t long before I was moving forward and met an amazing lady who would teach me more about gut health and how I could become stronger internally and external.
Dave supported me by giving me a purpose each day. A way to help me gain my confidence back as well as to play a role in the community. We offered free group fitness down at the local city park. It was fantastic and I loved every minute of it.
However, forward several months and I was asked to prove why I was not fit enough to work. I was performing 2 hours a week at a local park…compared to 84 hours a week on a mining site…this is the ‘bullshit’ angle the corporate world come from when they want to treat people like a number.
Anyway…it turned out I was investigated and there was footage of me ‘smiling’ whilst talking to people at the park. I was told by an investigator…’you don’t look like you are depressed there’.
Let’s just put this into perspective…
I had been proven to be mentally unstable by two psychiatrists…(one being the company’s), highly medicated, two moments of almost taking my life, hospitalised for my safety and recovery…yet I was being questioned if I was lying about the depression.
Can you believe that??…and people wonder why there are so many people who take their life in the mining industry alongside other industries…talk about kick somebody whilst they are down.
Anyway…moving on from that…I chose to walk away from my insurance claim.
However, there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to let the company get away with the way I was treated and it WASN’T for my pride…
It was to make a stand for EVERYONE who was previously, is currently and will be employed by them…YOU CAN’T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT AND THINK YOU’LL GET AWAY WITH IT!!
That’s also a message to the rest of the companies around the world, especially the mining companies.
That journey in itself was a living nightmare. Hearing of previous work colleagues saying I was ‘trying to fiddle the company’ and ‘only in it for the money’.
Even though I’ve learned to ignore people’s opinions…I’ll just put those opinions straight right now…
When I was finally awarded the ‘compensation’ for what happened…after 3 years of the company doing their best to deny it happened and that they weren’t to blame…what I was awarded financially didn’t even cover my medical bills…let alone the ‘destruction’ to my life at the time.
It was never about winning…it was ALL about the man (or the number), standing up to the giant and refusing to be walked on.
For all those who spoke poorly of me, called me a liar, a cheat, who laughed at me…I only have one thing to say to you all…I hope you or a member of your family NEVER have to go through what I went through because I fought until I was almost beaten to save you from the pain.
I mentioned earlier about meeting an amazing lady who taught me about Gut Health.
Lauren and I got into a relationship together and as we evolved we learned more about what nutritionally helped me to avoid a depressive state as well as improve overall health. What triggered me was sugar and dairy. I wasn’t a big dairy consumer although I was a sugar fiend. I was literally feeding the illness every day and little did I realise the horrendous damage it was doing at the time.
I’d come from the fitness industry…my education was to eat 5-7 meals a day…so I ate 7 meals each day, eating on average every 2 hours. 5 of those meals would be animal protein and the other 2 would be cottage cheese or a protein shake.
Lauren and I looked into water, plant based nutrition, plant based supplementation.
We got educated on the most important nutrient our body needs…WATER. A powerful talk by a holistic brain health doctor convinced us that we needed to purchase a Japanese ‘medical’ grade water system.
We also then followed an organic paleo ‘diet’. Reducing my animal protein from 5 meals a day down to once a day… a HUGE shock to me…although I got over it because I started to FEEL better. Within a few weeks we were only consuming animal protein maybe twice a week and then it wasn’t long until it was only once a week.
At that point, we were practically living on a vegetarian ‘diet’, consuming electrical based antioxidant rich water, a high plant based ‘diet’ and plant based supplementation (mainly Japanese organic turmeric)…and I was feeling TREMENDOUS.
However, Lauren and I were starting to go our separate ways…we both wanted different things and as hard as it was for me to accept it…I knew it was for the best. She had taught me what I needed to know, she had helped me gain my strength to continue on my journey and for that, I was (and am), so very grateful to her.
The next 4 days I was bedridden…I experienced an emotional release like nothing I had ever experienced before. My body violently shaking, crying…like I was releasing heavy negative energy from my body. It was a spiritual healing taking place and it was my first time feeling anything like this.
My beautiful friend Dee reached out to me and ‘invited’ me along to her spiritual retreat…’when I said ‘invited’, what I meant was…’dragged me by my ear’ to go, haha…LOVE you DEE xxx
Now, let’s just clear this up…my masculine identity was doing its best to stand at the front in order to protect me. However, my feminine identity NEEDED this self love and was calling out to me inside to go.
THANKFULLY I listened and accepted the invitation.
On day one I completed a questionnaire which highlighted how low I really was…how I didn’t love myself and really…was on the verge of falling back into deep depression.
The experience was simply amazing…the connection to self that was created has blown my mind.
The 5 days where the BEST 5 days of my life and have proven to be the most rewarding as I have truly been shown my purpose. The stories others shared where perfectly relevant within my life and it was clear the universe brought us all together to learn and grow from each other.
Upon leaving the retreat, I was handed another questionnaire. I completed it and then Dee gave me my initial one…
The SHIFT was incredible. A clear connection to self had taken place…I now LOVED myself…and I could FEEL it.
From that retreat,I have connected more within through the power of audios and books.
Everyday I listen to my spiritual mentor, Dr. Wayne Dyer…his messages are so powerful. He was a being who was so connected with his soul’s purpose…when you hear him speak you can feel the love within the messages.
Abraham Hicks, Oprah Winfrey, Alan Watts all came into my life on a deeper level than before…because my heart had been opened and my masculine identity moved to one side in order to allow my feminine identity to see the light.
It’s still common for me to think about suicide, often it’s daily…I even see myself hanging in a particular place. The path towards suicide has been built, although I promised myself and I promise YOU right now…I’ll never walk down that path again.
I have been blessed to have had many people step into my life since I chose to get better and they all provide me with so much love to continue on my journey.
I have changed from the person I was…I was a caterpillar crawling on the ground among all the other caterpillars…However, today I am a beautiful, colourful butterfly…
I am experiencing highs like I never had and I believe people see me as a beautiful gift in their life.
I’ve learned to let go of EGO, judgement towards others although I acknowledge that I am living in a physical world which tests me and us every day. There is however ONE thing I know for certain…
We came from unconditional love and therefore we have one thing to teach in this physical lifetime…
Thank you for taking the time to read my journey.
Peace, Love, and Happiness, Marty xxx
I want to give a special thanks to the following people who played a vital role in me being here today:
Mum, for always believing in me, sending me your love and being strong for me from the other side of the world.
My step-dad Dave for supporting my mum through her pain as well as your love to me.
Dad for doing your best to appreciate my pain and sending me your love.
My brother Kevin for supporting mum and sending me his love.
All my family for your love and support.
Richard for your support and just being such a diamond for me in every way…you are a father to me. To Barbara as well for supporting me on my journey.
My best mate Dave, I trust you with everything I have. You are an amazing being and I am grateful for you brother. Thank you for helping me get back on my feet and literally being my rock EVERY DAY. Thank you to you and Dani for giving me a place to live whilst I got back on my feet.
My doctor and psychiatrist for your support along my journey along with all the staff at the Marian Centre.
Davey & Romy for giving me a place to live.
Dee, you are an earth angel. Thank you for helping me connect with my soul as well as teaching me how to love myself first. Dee Littlewood – Clarity Coaching www.claritycoaching.co
Jenna, you gave me the courage to go into the Marian Centre…thank you for being there for me.
Nikki, thank you for your love and support along my journey and for the best part…setting me free.
Blake, thank you for being there for me along the journey.
Lauren, you played a bigger part in my healing and connection to myself than I think you realise. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you to EVERY single one of the people who have been in, are in and will come into my life. You have all played a vital role in my journey and I assure you this…
TOGETHER we will touch other souls because I carry YOUR love within me as I walk along my journey.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU ALL
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
And to YOU…for taking the time to read my journey through depression and suicide. I know it isn’t an easy read although THANK YOU for staying with me.
Peace, Love, and Happiness Marty xxx
Martin will be speaking at the Health & Vitality Expo on 1st December 2018
Martin will be speaking at the Health & Vitality Expo on 1st December 2018